Eureka Moment #1

I found Chapter 1's explanation of how gender defines communication relevant in a recent conversation I had with a male friend. Being a woman, or perhaps just conscientious, I believe that I should wait until a person is fully done speaking their mind before I speak my opinions. I also hesitate to share my experiences until I fully understand where the other person is coming from, therefore I may ask questions that show the other person that I am interested in what they have to say. I also like to make eye contact. In a recent situation, I was exasperated talking to a male friend of mine. Before I was finished talking, my friend would chime in his opinion over mine, seeming to have not heard what I said. Also, when I would finish my point, he would abruptly nod his head and sit blankly for a few seconds, then proceed to talk about something that did not pertain to the topic I mentioned. Thus ignoring my ideas. I smiled, and tried to listen to him, though my anger was bubbling behind my polite smile. This was frustrating, as Wood describes the "relationship level of meaning" was that he did not value my opinion. Wood includes an example similar to mine in the book on page 34. Though his poor listening may not be correlated to his gender, but more to what is acceptable when it comes to the male gender: men are usually allowed to be more opinionated, and run conversations, while women who do this are usually seen as pushy or obnoxious. Perhaps it does not need to be one or the other but a more egalitarian approach where both opinions are valued, and no one is undermined as being unimportant.

This song depicts how we should talk to each other, in this case how we should talk to women. It is by India Arie, but it is covered by an unknown singer in this video. I've included the link to the video and the lyrics below. Enjoy!

Talk to Her
By India Arie
When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to you mama
Don't get smart with her have a heart to heart with her
Just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sista
She's somebody's mama

Now when you got to her speak truthfully
Be honest as you can be, from your heart
You're in a situation, where ya losing patience
Take some time and look her in the eye
When you just can't find the words you want
And it's hard to reach the point
Where you both can understand
Don't just tell the truth
Tell the whole truth
It'll make a better man outta you

When you talk to her, talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Don't get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sista
She's somebody's mama

It doesn't matter if she's wearin
A mini skirt or a business suit
Whether she's 25 or 99
Treat her the way your mama taught you to
She could be the Queen of Sheba
She could be a school teacher
Home maker or a lawyer
I think it's good for your Karma
Life when...

When you talk to her, talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Don't get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sista
She's somebody's mama

Now let's keep it real
Nothing in this world could ever exist
Without it's opposite
There has to be a sun and moon
A man and a woman
And that's just the way it is
Humanity's lop sided
And everyone's fightin'
How do we restore the peace
Mother earth is hurtin'
Cause everyone is searchin'
For the feminine energy

When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody else to talk to your mama (Watch your mouth, yeah yeah)
Don't get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sista
She's somebody's mama

When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Just like you fight for your sister
If you knew that somebody dissed her
How you gonna care for your daughter
Turn around and talk bad about her mama
Same way you listen to your auntie
Never interupt while she speaks
Make your words sweet like candy
As if you were talking to your granny yeah
If you really loved then (say so)
If you really needed then (say so)
Love the way she thinks (say so)
You love the way she speaks (say so)
When you need some good conversation (say so)
Say so (say so)
If you want her in your life (say so)
You want her to be your wife (say so)
Tell her she's your best friend (say so) (alright)
You'll be there to the end (alright)(say so)
If you're thinking about leaving (say so)
If you wonder where she's going (say so)
If you need to breathe with her (say so)
You just want to be with her (say so)
If you love her hair (say so)
If you wanted her (say so)
Tell me if you really wanted her (say so)
You wanna slap her down (say so)
Say so...
If you feel like loving (say so)
If you wanna feel the hugging (say so)