Your outlook on marriage is refreshing. With divorce rates so high, it's nice to hear someone say that marriage is important and precious. That it is not just a joke! I easily forget that marriage can be taken seriously with all of the divorces I have seen! You are absolutely right that it is not fair that people who are truly committed to each other cannot be married while others who are not committed to each other can easily get married simply because they are heterosexual. I have always thought it was interesting that things like marriage, and child birth, are issues of the state and delegates find it their business to make these decisions for us. But I digress - with more people remembering that marriage is something sacred and something to be appreciated, perhaps we will have less divorces and more meaningful marriages.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Responses for Week 6
Your outlook on marriage is refreshing. With divorce rates so high, it's nice to hear someone say that marriage is important and precious. That it is not just a joke! I easily forget that marriage can be taken seriously with all of the divorces I have seen! You are absolutely right that it is not fair that people who are truly committed to each other cannot be married while others who are not committed to each other can easily get married simply because they are heterosexual. I have always thought it was interesting that things like marriage, and child birth, are issues of the state and delegates find it their business to make these decisions for us. But I digress - with more people remembering that marriage is something sacred and something to be appreciated, perhaps we will have less divorces and more meaningful marriages.
Eureka Moment #6
Being around a group of women, you get to understand the most accepted stereotypes about women that society adheres too. Men are not the only wants believing these stereotypes, but the women themselves believes these stereotypes. I was at a party a few days ago and I overheard women talking about another's woman clothing. This woman was showing a little cleavage, and obviously an attractive person. The women said she looked loose, and that men were of course paying attention to her because she seemed easy strictly because of the fact that she was showing a little skin. I have never heard men or women talk about a guy being "easy" if he's dressed provactively. Is there a way for a man to provactively dress? Society is not as concerned with calling guys "sluts", etc for some reason. It is not as shaming for a man to be sexually active, attractive, or desireble as it is for a woman. Also it is not as acceptable for a woman to have a sexual appetitite as it is for a man to have one. For men are expected to be sex crazy, as science says men think about sex every 7 seconds! However, if women reveal a sensuality to them whether it be through their clothing, or through their love life, they will most likely have to endure names and judgement. That is why it is more important for all of us to be true to ourselves, and do what makes us feel happy, rather than what we think others will be able to easily digest.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
My Comments on Week #5
To Sarah P-
Wow, that is a really excellent point. Our culture is lacking a "right of passage" into manhood, as you say! This can result in aggressive behavior by men who are simply trying to find an outlet where they can be "men." Since it is no longer populaur to go to war, and we no longer have a draft, many men can find that they don't have anything to proove their manliness, as if fighting equates being a true man. Though I think the pendulum at times as swung two far in the opposite direction where men now expect to not take responsibility for relationships, nor put out effort for a relationship like they once did when traditional roles were established and seen as right.
To Shaina-
That is so neat that you're paying attention to what seems like a small detail but really reveals a lot about who may be the primary caretaker of the family! I also was a camp counselor and remember feeling awkward myself when a father dropped off his son, and I remember a young camper feeling out of place and awkward himself when every other camper was swarmed with their mother. That is interesting that it would make us feel uncomfortable, when men go against the gender role of not being caretakers of their children! I have become close with a family that defies gender roles completely where both parents are equally as affectionate and talkative to their children, as well as active in their lives. They seem to have a level of happiness that I would love to attain someday.
Wow, that is a really excellent point. Our culture is lacking a "right of passage" into manhood, as you say! This can result in aggressive behavior by men who are simply trying to find an outlet where they can be "men." Since it is no longer populaur to go to war, and we no longer have a draft, many men can find that they don't have anything to proove their manliness, as if fighting equates being a true man. Though I think the pendulum at times as swung two far in the opposite direction where men now expect to not take responsibility for relationships, nor put out effort for a relationship like they once did when traditional roles were established and seen as right.
To Shaina-
That is so neat that you're paying attention to what seems like a small detail but really reveals a lot about who may be the primary caretaker of the family! I also was a camp counselor and remember feeling awkward myself when a father dropped off his son, and I remember a young camper feeling out of place and awkward himself when every other camper was swarmed with their mother. That is interesting that it would make us feel uncomfortable, when men go against the gender role of not being caretakers of their children! I have become close with a family that defies gender roles completely where both parents are equally as affectionate and talkative to their children, as well as active in their lives. They seem to have a level of happiness that I would love to attain someday.
Eureka #5
I feel very silly mentioning this, but I realize that I have a very difficult time talking to members of the opposite sex. It seems as though my friends have an effortless time showing affection, and interest while I seem to resemble more of the ice princess. A few days ago I noticed how I interact at social settings. I usually seem stand offish, cold, and shy. I mean if I happen to see a man in public that gives of an aura of intelligence, or well cuteness, I seem to be almost repelled: I make sure I make no eye contact! All the time. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of. It could be that my mind/heart is still focused on someone of the past, and I'm just simply scared to be approached or to approach someone of the opposite sex. I also fear that if the guy is relatively normal (if that exists) he won't want to talk to me, and thus be repelled by my obvious bohemia/academia obsession. I seem to think that I only attract people who don't want to be in a healthy realtionship. Maybe this thought actually creates the reality? I always fear that I will be alone forever with stray cats crawling all over my house, even though I own no cats. I also fear that I may say something rather stupid if I do open my mouth, which I guess I think if I did do that I would never recover from it (as if I have never done it before). Two concepts of women always flutter into my head when I'm in a situation where I could reach out and speak to a member of the opposite sex: that I'm a flirt and a floozy if I come on too strong, and if I'm quiet and shy he won't want to talk to me. And that he won't end up coming up to me anyway. I think I'm naturally a shy person, and many male friends have given me positive feedback telling me that I don't seem like I'm looking for anyone, and I don't seem "easy", and that can be intimidating. I just think it's time that I break out of my traditional female shell of being the "submissive" female, and if I want to talk to someone, I make it happen. Though to even write those words makes my skin itch and my heart beat faster than a pubescent boy watching Pamela Anderson.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
My Comments on Posts for Week #4
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Hey thanks for shedding light on how even accomplished women are portrayed. One would think that if a woman was professional or talented, she would at least be talked about and referred to as intelligent in some form. However male producers, and maybe even female producers, still can portray their female workers in negative ways in order to get higher ratings. The very over used saying "sex sells" remains true and continually demeans both sexes in order to get a few bucks. (to "Sky")
Maria
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Hi Sarah-
I like that you took what you are learning in class, and discussed it with your boyfriend. I think that's the best way that we learn, by putting things into our own words and discussing them with others. About your opinion that men and women can never be just friends, I may have to agree with you. For in my life, all the circumstances in which I was extremely emotionally intimate with my male friends turned into some sort of romantic relationship. I read before that there are a few things that help people fall in love with eacother: one of them being close proximity. If we spend time with the same friends often, we may at one time or another be attracted to them either in a superficial or real way. What we do with these attractions is a different story! I believe some people remain friends for a long time always denying their feelings for eachother and being with other people in the meantime, while others seem to completely enjoy a fully platonic relationship never acting on wanting more. I have had both relationships and find that it seems more emotionally rewarding to date a friend, but ultimately difficult because the transition from friendship to romantic relationship can be jarring and cause one or both people to lash out. - June 10, 2009 9:13 PM
Euerka Moment #4
I have always been conscious of my physical appearance. Something a friend of mine said recently made me think. He said that he only felt strong physical attraction to super models. This made me think on the fact that I have been told since a little girl, it was my job to preserve my beauty in some form, whether it be through taking vitamins, working out, or doing other things in which would assure that my physical beauty would not fade. I have gone through a love and hate relationship with my body. At times I have not been able to stop thinking about it, and other days it is not such a big deal. Still, I find myself recently having ten pounds to drop, even after losing weight over the years. My close male friends do not seem to be obsessed with losing weight, nor do they seem concerned about the shape of their thighs. I feel that it seems to be "feminine" to be insecure about our bodies, and to even bond by putting our bodies down. My friend jen once told me that she loves her body, but in order to fit in with other girls, she tries to find something to criticize. I have also heard girls talk negatively of other girls who were confident in their bodies, as if being confident is having an ego and being pretentious. It seems as though I have a tendency to feel stress in my body and allow it affect how I feel about it, while my close male friends do not seem to become more critical of their bodies when they are going through stressful or emotional trying times. Perhaps this is because men are more conditioned to not cmplain bout their bodies, but pretend that they appreciate them fully. I want to learn how to feel more appreciative of my skin regardless of my weight and how perfect or not perfect it is. As a healthy woman I want to better learn how to identify my happiness not with my apperance, but with the state of my mind and soul. Realistically speaking I will probably feel good once I drop these ten pounds, but in the mean time I will try to replace a negative thought with someothing positive when those negative thoughts come creeping up at me.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Week #3 Comments on Classmates' Posts
Sarah P writes:
"This weeks Eureka moment came for me while over viewing the DB question. I realized I live such a sheltered life because half of the mentioned names for insulting sexes used ever come out of my mouth. And I'm fortunate enough to have friends and family that don't refer to each other as "bitch"-as a lot of females who are friends do- or any name rather. I know a lot of people use these words in everyday language and I agree that it is so demeaning. Why-especially women cause when we abuse each other that really upsets me- why do we feel the need the need to degrade each other? Is it for the entertainment of men? Is it because we are so use to men using these words that we can't find anyother words to use? It's just really upsetting to me. Women-lets respect eachother a little bit more and try to refrain from calling eachother names. We're not bitches, and from one women to the next we all know what sort of issues we have that make us a little short tempered, so lets be more sympathetic to that. So to all my ladies in the class, if you call your girlfriends bitch, try to find another word that doesn't bring us down to a lower level. We're better than that!"
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Hi Sarah P-
I appreciate your call to all women to not use harsh names with eachother. Kudos for seeing the need to confront this. Though I have not utilized these names for my friends, I realized that many people use harsh names for eachother in order to express their angst. They are unable to describe what truly bothers them about someone (which I have done for people who are not my friends), and just settle for name calling. I believe we all should learn how to better identify our feelings so we know what hurts us, instead of reverting to caveman behavior of grunting and name calling.
"My second Eureka moment occurred when I read the knowledge check to chapter 5. The four statements in the beginning of the chapter literally made me laugh out loud. "I now pronounce you man and wife." I never took the time to notice how society truly does designate a man as an individual while a woman is only seen by her relationship to the man. This sentence never seemed off to me until Wood brought it to my attention in the text. I think that now, it is becoming more common to say "husband and wife," but I just thought it was interesting to see that "man and wife" never sounded wrong to me until it was pointed out. The same goes for terms such as freshmen, policemen, and firemen. Sure, fireman sounds better than fire-person, which just sounds like some sort of mutant, but why hasn't the term always been firefighter, or police officer, rather than designating the position to a man only?"
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Hi Rhiannon-
I appreciated your comment on my post! I also liked your post on the ludicrousness of society's understanding between men and women. I particularly enjoyed how you pointed out that men are seen as independent, while women are traditionally seen as more dependent. Through our recent readings in the text, I realized how popular it is for a woman to be seen as empty or not complete, without a relationship to a man. Our text pointed out how even the strong independent women shown in movies will still value a relationship with a man over every other relationship. The examples noted in the text were Rose in the Titanic, and Charlie's Angels. Both had their romantic ties. In the case of Rose she was empty and a bit broken until she found Jack (DiCaprio) who opened her eyes to a new way of living. This can seep into our very beings as female viewers of these movies, and us believe that no matter how successful and healthy we are, as women we are meant to be in relationships with men as to be better human beings. That could be why many women commit too easily in relationships at a young age. I wrote a lot on this on the blog for my literary journal called HerStory. I think you would dig it. Go here to read it: http://herstoryjournal.blogspot.com - June 4, 2009 10:53 AM
Eureka Moment #3
Recently I realized how I act when I feel pressured by someone in conversation to respond a certain way. I was conversing with a possible roommate about when he could visit my house. He wanted to see the apartment when he was available, as any person would want to, which was this week. I knew I really had little to no free time this week, along with a couple of other deterrents to keep me from showing him my place. However, because he was persistent, and a bit pushy, I easily caved and said that I would meet with him soon. I believe many women may communicate similarly in which they do whatever they can to preserve the peace in conversations, as well as to keep the other party happy and content while sacrificing their needs. I realize sometimes I value being nice over being honest and doing what is best for myself. Women are taught, since birth, to be sweet, gentle, loving, and to not create conflict. By calling a girl "precious", "sugar", and other names we could unconsciously make her believe that she needs to act "perfect" in order to receive compliments, or being "nice" makes her a good person. This fact was also apparent in a radio show that I listened to while in the car. The announcer was talking about a female artist named Jas Stone. The female announcer said that this artist "used to be such a nice girl" and that the artist's new push away from her recording label somehow took away from her nice demeanor. The radio announcer then went on to talk about another artist, Bruce Springsteen, and described him using stronger words such as "Bruce and his rocking music" and did not reveal details about his character. This is because society believes that it is more important for a woman to be nice, and a guy to be strong and/or cool. I was outraged at how this female artist was being depicted, simply because she was showing assertion. Through these realizations, I decided to call the possible renter back, and better express my needs. Next time I will be more aware of the "nice girl" stereotype, and I will work harder to defy it.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Eureka Moment #2
I spent the last four days camping in the wilderness in Pennsylvania. It was beautiful. I learned numerous things while on my trip, but one new understanding stands out. Upon arriving at the campground, I was greeted by naked people. Not half naked, or sort of naked, but fully naked people. I was disgusted, startled, angry, and uncomfortable. Having the Judeo-Christian understanding of nudity post-fall of Adam and Eve, I thought these people to be horrendous for deciding to walk around naked. I thought they were removing the sacredness from something that was beautiful and meant to be shared only with their lover. Though I still believe that there is something special about reserving nakedness for the our significant others, I became to see nudity as something else. I began to see it as simple, and natural, and did not connect the normal words of "whores" to the site of flesh. This made me think of how I view women who show a lot of skin, whether it be cleavage at the work place, or all or most of their butts in shorts during the summer. I realized that I would automatically think these women were loose or gross, simply because they liked to show off their bodies. That is because the understanding of physical beauty is usually linked to sexuality. Though some forms of dress may seem trashy, it does not give me enough proof of who someone truly is.
My Comments on Posts for Week #2
From Kristen Marie:
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Becoming Gendered from Birth
This week my Eureka Moment came to me in the 7th chapter of our reading. I could not believe how gendered we really are from babies on up. I always new we wore pink of we were a girl and blue for boy BUT I never though about only being able to play with "girl" toys or not being able to do certain things like get dirty because I am a girl. When I was little my father did so much with me. i went fishing and baited my own line, went bowling, also my dad is a mechanic so I always wanted to pretend I was fixing cars. So maybe I was one of the few children who was allowed to do "boy" things. Really, what was my Eureka Moment was the fact that parents went so over board to make sure their girls were girly and their boys were boyish. Is it really that big of a deal if your son likes dolls at the age of 2 or 3. My brother is going on 5 and when he was about 2 he use to take my purse and walk around with it. i thought my dad and boyfriend were going to pass out!! It was ok when I was little to want to fish and play with cars BUT my brother canNOT touch my purse!! I am interested in if any parents read this what they think since I am not a parent?!?! On I like how you were not brought up in the typical feminine way. As a result you had a lot of great experiences that have created in you a greater understanding of yourself, and gender in its entirety. One reason in which society likes to make certain lists of feminine and masculine things, is to create a greater sense of bond. For example, a mother may want her daughter to wear dresses as to emulate her, and therefore feel closer to her creating a false sense of intimacy between them. Since the mother cannot truly relate to her daughter, she may force her into "feminine" things as to better understand her or identify with her.
Maria's Blog for Gender and Communication said...
I like how you were not brought up in the typical feminine way. As a result you had a lot of great experiences that have created in you a greater understanding of yourself, and gender in its entirety. One reason in which society likes to make certain lists of feminine and masculine things, is to create a greater sense of bond. For example, a mother may want her daughter to wear dresses as to emulate her, and therefore feel closer to her creating a false sense of intimacy between them. Since the mother cannot truly relate to her daughter, she may force her into "feminine" things as to better understand her or identify with her.
From Shaina's Blog:
Eureka # 2
Last night I was watching Jon & Kate + 8 season 5 premiere along with Millions of other men, women, children, entire families, however, I was attempting to watch it from a different perspective, something that most people wouldn't want to look at. All of the scandals involving Jon cheating, Kate cheating, a pending divorce, etc., have left Jon looking like a complete villian. I thought that the show would even the score, making sure to point out that he is home with the kids while Kate is out on her book tours, however, they showed Kate struggling to care for the children alone while Jon "took the weekend off." What I felt the producers only showed Talk of, and no visual examples, is how much Kate is on the road. Whenever they showed Jon, he was distant, tired, slumped over, and often not watching the kids. However, I feel as though it is easy for them to leave huge chunks of time out where he could have looked better, more awake, and maybe they were playing a trick on us? Is it possible that Kate is more at fault for being star struck than they want us to think. There is no doubt that when I start a family I hope I could be somewhat near as organized as her, because a lifestyle like that with so many children seems really hard. However, I feel like Jon taking care of the kids wasnt shown at all and that he does more for the family than they showed. Probably because people like Kate more, but it also makes the stereotypes about men and their lack of parenting skills even more apparent. It is also negative towards women because it shows that Kate's power within their household is too strong and imposing that Jon can not handle it, he feels as though he has lost his "manhood."
Maria's Blog for Gender and Communication said...
I like your understanding of how this show is portraying men! Men are ALWAYS shown as being lazy, stupid, and inadequate when it comes to child rearing, and being a vital part of the family. Shows like The Simpsons, and the King of Queens also like to utilize the stereotype of the stupid alpha male in order to get higher ratings. That is why most commercials for cleaning products are geared to women, because society is buying the concept that only women can take care of their home and family, and men are simply bystanders or are in the way. Extremely common dialogue on nearly all sitcoms involves some type of put down of the opposite sex. It is pretty interesting how television can reinforce and create gender stereotypes!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Becoming Gendered from Birth
This week my Eureka Moment came to me in the 7th chapter of our reading. I could not believe how gendered we really are from babies on up. I always new we wore pink of we were a girl and blue for boy BUT I never though about only being able to play with "girl" toys or not being able to do certain things like get dirty because I am a girl. When I was little my father did so much with me. i went fishing and baited my own line, went bowling, also my dad is a mechanic so I always wanted to pretend I was fixing cars. So maybe I was one of the few children who was allowed to do "boy" things. Really, what was my Eureka Moment was the fact that parents went so over board to make sure their girls were girly and their boys were boyish. Is it really that big of a deal if your son likes dolls at the age of 2 or 3. My brother is going on 5 and when he was about 2 he use to take my purse and walk around with it. i thought my dad and boyfriend were going to pass out!! It was ok when I was little to want to fish and play with cars BUT my brother canNOT touch my purse!! I am interested in if any parents read this what they think since I am not a parent?!?! On I like how you were not brought up in the typical feminine way. As a result you had a lot of great experiences that have created in you a greater understanding of yourself, and gender in its entirety. One reason in which society likes to make certain lists of feminine and masculine things, is to create a greater sense of bond. For example, a mother may want her daughter to wear dresses as to emulate her, and therefore feel closer to her creating a false sense of intimacy between them. Since the mother cannot truly relate to her daughter, she may force her into "feminine" things as to better understand her or identify with her.
Maria's Blog for Gender and Communication said...
I like how you were not brought up in the typical feminine way. As a result you had a lot of great experiences that have created in you a greater understanding of yourself, and gender in its entirety. One reason in which society likes to make certain lists of feminine and masculine things, is to create a greater sense of bond. For example, a mother may want her daughter to wear dresses as to emulate her, and therefore feel closer to her creating a false sense of intimacy between them. Since the mother cannot truly relate to her daughter, she may force her into "feminine" things as to better understand her or identify with her.
From Shaina's Blog:
Eureka # 2
Last night I was watching Jon & Kate + 8 season 5 premiere along with Millions of other men, women, children, entire families, however, I was attempting to watch it from a different perspective, something that most people wouldn't want to look at. All of the scandals involving Jon cheating, Kate cheating, a pending divorce, etc., have left Jon looking like a complete villian. I thought that the show would even the score, making sure to point out that he is home with the kids while Kate is out on her book tours, however, they showed Kate struggling to care for the children alone while Jon "took the weekend off." What I felt the producers only showed Talk of, and no visual examples, is how much Kate is on the road. Whenever they showed Jon, he was distant, tired, slumped over, and often not watching the kids. However, I feel as though it is easy for them to leave huge chunks of time out where he could have looked better, more awake, and maybe they were playing a trick on us? Is it possible that Kate is more at fault for being star struck than they want us to think. There is no doubt that when I start a family I hope I could be somewhat near as organized as her, because a lifestyle like that with so many children seems really hard. However, I feel like Jon taking care of the kids wasnt shown at all and that he does more for the family than they showed. Probably because people like Kate more, but it also makes the stereotypes about men and their lack of parenting skills even more apparent. It is also negative towards women because it shows that Kate's power within their household is too strong and imposing that Jon can not handle it, he feels as though he has lost his "manhood."
Maria's Blog for Gender and Communication said...
I like your understanding of how this show is portraying men! Men are ALWAYS shown as being lazy, stupid, and inadequate when it comes to child rearing, and being a vital part of the family. Shows like The Simpsons, and the King of Queens also like to utilize the stereotype of the stupid alpha male in order to get higher ratings. That is why most commercials for cleaning products are geared to women, because society is buying the concept that only women can take care of their home and family, and men are simply bystanders or are in the way. Extremely common dialogue on nearly all sitcoms involves some type of put down of the opposite sex. It is pretty interesting how television can reinforce and create gender stereotypes!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Classmate's Post and My Commet on Post #1
By: Chris P
So my eurkea moment has to deal with my experience in the corporate world. I am 21 years old and last April I took a job with a company and this was my first real job. My supervisor was a 50+/- year old woman, who looked very professional and pleasant when she hired me. Well once I gotten into the department and got to know my co-workers they had told me how horrible of a supervisor she was. She was very authoritative and liked to have the power to control. She wanted everything done her way and was in everyone's business. to me this moment gave me a realization that when woman are given supervisory positions all the power goes to there heads and they become horrible at the position. After 6 months of being on the job I transferred to a different job in the company where I was now with a 40+/- year old male supervisor. This than gave me the chance to see maybe it's just the way people are in the corporate world. Well I discovered that a male supervisor is a lot more laid back than a woman is. My supervisor now who I have had for about 6 months now has been awesome. As long as I get my work done and do it right he does not cause any problems. He does not take advantage of the power he has and does not care how the job gets done just as long as it is right. Talking to a lot of people in the company I work for it seems more people would rather work for a man rather than a woman. I can still remember sitting in a meeting with a few woman manager and supervisors and they are gossiping about how someone from IT was with this woman from Auto and he is just using her as a beard to cover us that he is gay! These gender roles that the male and females have played in my career at my job have played some sort of impact on my interpretation of how woman are in jobs where they are given power. It's not so much that they abuse it, I think it's more of the fact that they finally have it and they want to show that woman can take on a mans job. Every since I have left her department she is very different towards me too. I think woman take things more personally than men do. For our culture now a days is not unusual to see a woman in these positions, but it's just the way they act that makes me think now that it's easier to work for a man than it is a woman. No wonder why when I started only 2 out of the 13 of us in my department were men!!!
In response to Chris P's comment: I appreciate that you are thinking critically about your supervisors, and trying to learn about gender through your daily experiences. Though not all experiences, nor people, will determine or best represent other people. In your case, the female supervisor perhaps was a bit of a tyrant, because that was her personality. Not because she was female, or because she was trying to prove herself. For example, my mother is a business owner. I have seen her interact with her employees on more than one occasion and she was been encouraging, yet firm, intelligent and articulate, though never abrasive. However, what is interesting is that if she has to call someone on their ill behavior, or if she stands for something that no one else believes in, she is immediately labeled as a, you know what! I digress, there just isn't really a common way that men and women act on the job as character comes more into play rather then sexual identity.
So my eurkea moment has to deal with my experience in the corporate world. I am 21 years old and last April I took a job with a company and this was my first real job. My supervisor was a 50+/- year old woman, who looked very professional and pleasant when she hired me. Well once I gotten into the department and got to know my co-workers they had told me how horrible of a supervisor she was. She was very authoritative and liked to have the power to control. She wanted everything done her way and was in everyone's business. to me this moment gave me a realization that when woman are given supervisory positions all the power goes to there heads and they become horrible at the position. After 6 months of being on the job I transferred to a different job in the company where I was now with a 40+/- year old male supervisor. This than gave me the chance to see maybe it's just the way people are in the corporate world. Well I discovered that a male supervisor is a lot more laid back than a woman is. My supervisor now who I have had for about 6 months now has been awesome. As long as I get my work done and do it right he does not cause any problems. He does not take advantage of the power he has and does not care how the job gets done just as long as it is right. Talking to a lot of people in the company I work for it seems more people would rather work for a man rather than a woman. I can still remember sitting in a meeting with a few woman manager and supervisors and they are gossiping about how someone from IT was with this woman from Auto and he is just using her as a beard to cover us that he is gay! These gender roles that the male and females have played in my career at my job have played some sort of impact on my interpretation of how woman are in jobs where they are given power. It's not so much that they abuse it, I think it's more of the fact that they finally have it and they want to show that woman can take on a mans job. Every since I have left her department she is very different towards me too. I think woman take things more personally than men do. For our culture now a days is not unusual to see a woman in these positions, but it's just the way they act that makes me think now that it's easier to work for a man than it is a woman. No wonder why when I started only 2 out of the 13 of us in my department were men!!!
In response to Chris P's comment: I appreciate that you are thinking critically about your supervisors, and trying to learn about gender through your daily experiences. Though not all experiences, nor people, will determine or best represent other people. In your case, the female supervisor perhaps was a bit of a tyrant, because that was her personality. Not because she was female, or because she was trying to prove herself. For example, my mother is a business owner. I have seen her interact with her employees on more than one occasion and she was been encouraging, yet firm, intelligent and articulate, though never abrasive. However, what is interesting is that if she has to call someone on their ill behavior, or if she stands for something that no one else believes in, she is immediately labeled as a, you know what! I digress, there just isn't really a common way that men and women act on the job as character comes more into play rather then sexual identity.
Eureka Moment #1
I found Chapter 1's explanation of how gender defines communication relevant in a recent conversation I had with a male friend. Being a woman, or perhaps just conscientious, I believe that I should wait until a person is fully done speaking their mind before I speak my opinions. I also hesitate to share my experiences until I fully understand where the other person is coming from, therefore I may ask questions that show the other person that I am interested in what they have to say. I also like to make eye contact. In a recent situation, I was exasperated talking to a male friend of mine. Before I was finished talking, my friend would chime in his opinion over mine, seeming to have not heard what I said. Also, when I would finish my point, he would abruptly nod his head and sit blankly for a few seconds, then proceed to talk about something that did not pertain to the topic I mentioned. Thus ignoring my ideas. I smiled, and tried to listen to him, though my anger was bubbling behind my polite smile. This was frustrating, as Wood describes the "relationship level of meaning" was that he did not value my opinion. Wood includes an example similar to mine in the book on page 34. Though his poor listening may not be correlated to his gender, but more to what is acceptable when it comes to the male gender: men are usually allowed to be more opinionated, and run conversations, while women who do this are usually seen as pushy or obnoxious. Perhaps it does not need to be one or the other but a more egalitarian approach where both opinions are valued, and no one is undermined as being unimportant.
This song depicts how we should talk to each other, in this case how we should talk to women. It is by India Arie, but it is covered by an unknown singer in this video. I've included the link to the video and the lyrics below. Enjoy!
Talk to Her
By India Arie
When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to you mama
Don't get smart with her have a heart to heart with her
Just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sista
She's somebody's mama
Now when you got to her speak truthfully
Be honest as you can be, from your heart
You're in a situation, where ya losing patience
Take some time and look her in the eye
When you just can't find the words you want
And it's hard to reach the point
Where you both can understand
Don't just tell the truth
Tell the whole truth
It'll make a better man outta you
When you talk to her, talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Don't get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sista
She's somebody's mama
It doesn't matter if she's wearin
A mini skirt or a business suit
Whether she's 25 or 99
Treat her the way your mama taught you to
She could be the Queen of Sheba
She could be a school teacher
Home maker or a lawyer
I think it's good for your Karma
Life when...
When you talk to her, talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Don't get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sista
She's somebody's mama
Now let's keep it real
Nothing in this world could ever exist
Without it's opposite
There has to be a sun and moon
A man and a woman
And that's just the way it is
Humanity's lop sided
And everyone's fightin'
How do we restore the peace
Mother earth is hurtin'
Cause everyone is searchin'
For the feminine energy
When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody else to talk to your mama (Watch your mouth, yeah yeah)
Don't get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sista
She's somebody's mama
When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Just like you fight for your sister
If you knew that somebody dissed her
How you gonna care for your daughter
Turn around and talk bad about her mama
Same way you listen to your auntie
Never interupt while she speaks
Make your words sweet like candy
As if you were talking to your granny yeah
If you really loved then (say so)
If you really needed then (say so)
Love the way she thinks (say so)
You love the way she speaks (say so)
When you need some good conversation (say so)
Say so (say so)
If you want her in your life (say so)
You want her to be your wife (say so)
Tell her she's your best friend (say so) (alright)
You'll be there to the end (alright)(say so)
If you're thinking about leaving (say so)
If you wonder where she's going (say so)
If you need to breathe with her (say so)
You just want to be with her (say so)
If you love her hair (say so)
If you wanted her (say so)
Tell me if you really wanted her (say so)
You wanna slap her down (say so)
Say so...
If you feel like loving (say so)
If you wanna feel the hugging (say so)
This song depicts how we should talk to each other, in this case how we should talk to women. It is by India Arie, but it is covered by an unknown singer in this video. I've included the link to the video and the lyrics below. Enjoy!
Talk to Her
By India Arie
When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to you mama
Don't get smart with her have a heart to heart with her
Just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sista
She's somebody's mama
Now when you got to her speak truthfully
Be honest as you can be, from your heart
You're in a situation, where ya losing patience
Take some time and look her in the eye
When you just can't find the words you want
And it's hard to reach the point
Where you both can understand
Don't just tell the truth
Tell the whole truth
It'll make a better man outta you
When you talk to her, talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Don't get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sista
She's somebody's mama
It doesn't matter if she's wearin
A mini skirt or a business suit
Whether she's 25 or 99
Treat her the way your mama taught you to
She could be the Queen of Sheba
She could be a school teacher
Home maker or a lawyer
I think it's good for your Karma
Life when...
When you talk to her, talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Don't get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sista
She's somebody's mama
Now let's keep it real
Nothing in this world could ever exist
Without it's opposite
There has to be a sun and moon
A man and a woman
And that's just the way it is
Humanity's lop sided
And everyone's fightin'
How do we restore the peace
Mother earth is hurtin'
Cause everyone is searchin'
For the feminine energy
When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody else to talk to your mama (Watch your mouth, yeah yeah)
Don't get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sista
She's somebody's mama
When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Just like you fight for your sister
If you knew that somebody dissed her
How you gonna care for your daughter
Turn around and talk bad about her mama
Same way you listen to your auntie
Never interupt while she speaks
Make your words sweet like candy
As if you were talking to your granny yeah
If you really loved then (say so)
If you really needed then (say so)
Love the way she thinks (say so)
You love the way she speaks (say so)
When you need some good conversation (say so)
Say so (say so)
If you want her in your life (say so)
You want her to be your wife (say so)
Tell her she's your best friend (say so) (alright)
You'll be there to the end (alright)(say so)
If you're thinking about leaving (say so)
If you wonder where she's going (say so)
If you need to breathe with her (say so)
You just want to be with her (say so)
If you love her hair (say so)
If you wanted her (say so)
Tell me if you really wanted her (say so)
You wanna slap her down (say so)
Say so...
If you feel like loving (say so)
If you wanna feel the hugging (say so)
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Natalie-
I totally understand what you mean! In some cases I can tell that people may not take me as seriously simply because I'm young, female, and I also try to be nice, which cannot be helpful when you want respect and the best treatment. In more than one case my father and mother have offered to take over car related tasks because I have received ill treatment from mechanics. Recently I have become more assertive with mechanics, asked more questions, and demanded more answers simply because I don't have the money to dish out for things that don't need to be done. I think by only asserting our authority will we be respected. It takes time, and a focus on self and an ability to forget the notion that we have to make everyone happy/comfortable, but it will happen!